I can’t remember ever being what the average person would refer to as “skinny.”
I mean, there’s a picture of me in kindergarten where I look like a lean, mean, playground-wrecking machine, but in every school picture to follow, year after year, I look bigger and bigger.
I was a chubby kid, but I never felt “fat” until a presentation in one of my 7th grade classes. I can’t remember all of the details, but my friends and I had filmed some kind of movie about a scary monster or something. For some reason I was the scary monster and for some reason I wasn’t wearing a shirt (brown beast, lol).
I came running into the frame, and it was supposed to be scary (or funny), I’m sure, but when the kids laughed, they didn’t laugh at the film. They laughed at me and my flabby stomach.
I never felt the same after that. Emotionally, I’ve been “The Funny Fat Guy” and “The Fat Friend Who Doesn’t Get the Girl.” Weight heavily impacted how I felt about myself in my teens and early 20s.
Physically, I can’t remember the last time I didn’t feel like an outcast at every major clothing store. Hell, I can’t honestly remember the last time I was under 200 lbs.
But there’s one thing I do know. I can lose this weight — I’ve done it before.
In 2005 I went from 238 lbs. to 202 lbs., and it only took a few months. It was the result of going to the gym six days a week and counting nearly every calorie I put in my mouth. I felt great accomplishing the loss, but I gained it all back, and 30 lbs. more, in the next five years. At my wedding, the biggest I’ve ever been, I was 267 lbs. with a 47-inch waist. I dropped a few pounds before I started this blog, but these last 12 weeks have been the biggest push to take back my life that I’ve made in quite some time.
I’ve never put these thoughts on paper, I can’t say I’ve shared them with anyone, ever. But through all of this weight-related misery, I see one sentence that makes the rest of it irrelevant.
“I’ve done it before.”
Only, this time, I’m more knowledgeable about my body and I’m more focused on nutrition than exercise. Before, I worked out to lose weight. Now, I eat right to be healthy. The weight loss is a result of that.
I’ll will never have to say “I’ve done it before” again, because this time I am doing it for life.
As for the scale: Today I weigh 237.7 lbs. I weighed 240.1 lbs. last Monday, my 11th week of blogging. That’s a one-week loss of 2.4 lbs. I started this blog weighing 258 lbs. That’s a total loss of 20.3 lbs.